barbara walters just said penis...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
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