just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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