69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
