I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
