a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
