I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
