i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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