I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
