You can't special order awesome
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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