It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
