Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize