I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
These tits shall not be calmed
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
