I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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