Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
