Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
