Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
