I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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