Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
