fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
