Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
