if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
