I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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