If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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