My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
