Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Come on in and take your pants off
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