You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
