my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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