the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
