Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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