Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
