If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
