i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
