STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
