It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
