they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
being pregnant is like rehab
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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