One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
