I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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