finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
