Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
