i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
