I have demons in me.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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