Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
