dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Randomize
