So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
