i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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