Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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