my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
