Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
