Will you blow on my dice?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
