just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
jump out the window naked night went bad
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